By TARA CONNOLLY Staff writer
“You have to have God’s heart. We are our brothers’ keeper. The world needs us and the Church is the only answer,” said Joy Pinto April 14 to an estimated 70 married couples during the Diocesan marriage conference, “Together in Holiness.”
Pinto, host of EWTN’s “At Home with Jim and Joy” and executive director of Her Choice Birmingham Women’s Center, Alabama, presented the keynote address “For the Good of the Whole” and guided couples toward rediscovering their call to marriage and family.
“When you stood on the altar before the crucifix when you got married – you gave up half your life,” she said.
“Then you got pregnant and you gave up the other half of life and then you have no life,” joked Pinto with the couples.
Pinto, a mother of four, described her journey in becoming a Christian at 17, marrying an Episcopal priest, and both of them converting to Catholicism with their children after discovering the truth of the Catholic faith.
“We were happy for 22 years in an Episcopal parish. I was a pastor’s wife. We gave up a lot for the Church.
My husband had a reconversion because he was raised Catholic and came back to the Church. If you understand the sacraments – you never really leave the Church,” she said.
Acknowledging that marriage is hard, Pinto told the couples that she and her husband have the sheer pleasure of making each other holy.
“Love, life and marriage is a journey to holiness,” she said.
But when it comes to children, Pinto joked that the journey is to get them off “your payroll.”
Like other parents, Pinto said that it hurt when her child walked away from the faith and decided not to have her grandchildren baptized or live the faith.
“But guess what? That’s not the end of the story. I might not be alive to see it – but the story doesn’t end there,” she stressed.
“Don’t you ever think that your prayers, novenas or rosaries don’t matter. Everything we do matters. Don’t stop praying or giving up hope – because no one loves your kids as much as you do. You have to pray – they are counting on you. I want the ‘whole.’ I want my husband, kids and grandkids with me in heaven.”
Even though she strived for the “whole” as she raised her children with the expectation of choosing a spouse from a good family, a proper education and living the Christian faith – things didn’t turned out according to her plan
“There were events in my life that I thought would take me out. My son fell in love with someone that did not meet our criteria. I quickly learned that it’s not our plan – it’s God’s plan,” she said.
“We have to learn what is ‘good for the whole.’”
As Catholics, she told the couples that they have everything – the beauty of the sacraments, confession and the mystical experiences that occur during adoration.
“The channel changes when we are angry, unforgiving, judgmental and critical,” said Pinto. “It’s time for us to put on compassion, kindness, meekness and patience.”
Although it is difficult to always be the one to forgive first, to be the first one to be brave and the first one to be strong, Pinto said those who do so are the first to be happiest.
In their journey to love better, live better and do better, she advised couples to pray together.
“If you are not praying with your spouse – make that change. You are missing powers and grace only God can give you. And don’t make it complicated,” said Pinto.
Growing up, she said her family never went to church but taught her commitment and sacrifice.
“They taught me better. And when you know better – you do better, you live better and you love better.
Divorce is not an option in our house. We fight but we work it out. We fight mostly about the kids, which means we fight over love. We might disagree but the sun never sets without us agreeing to disagree.
Sometimes you can feel ice in the bed – but we are in it together,” said Pinto.
Facing her own family trials with her own cancer diagnosis and her daughter’s unplanned pregnancy, Pinto told couples that no pain is pain until it’s their own pain.
“As Catholics, we have a beautiful want to respond. The Church understands and it has all the answers. It leads us, it fortifies us and it strengthens us,” she said.
When her children became older, Pinto said she developed a disdain for “free will” and preferred her children when they were young and easily obeyed her.
“Everybody has free will – even our kids figured it out,” she said.
“I don’t want to hurt God’s heart. I want to wake up and make God happy. If we, as people of God, do what is good for the whole – then we must forgive each other.”
For the good of the whole, Pinto encouraged couples to bring more mercy, peace and truth into their homes.
“Avoid selfishness and prayerlessness. Those are two things that ruin marriage,” she warned.
Pinto also warned that death sometimes comes in like a thief in the night and almost took her husband three years ago after a massive heart attack.
“Don’t wait for that to happen. We all do things wrong. Look at your marriage and your children – pray for them. That is your power,” she said.
Another power she was clued in to by her sister-in-law calls for only offering advice to her children when they ask for it.
“She told me ‘mind your own business and pray for them every single day,’” said Pinto.
The conference also featured reconciliation and Mass celebrated by Bishop of Allentown Alfred Schlert.
Additional talks and breakout sessions were given by Dr. Roland Millare, chairperson of theology at St. John XXIII College Preparatory, Texas; Dr. Joshua Schultz, professor at DeSales University, Center Valley and his wife, Christine Schulz; and Deacon Joseph Nines, marriage and family therapist.
